There are a lot of single people out there, myself included. It can feel like a struggle dating as a Christian, and many Christians seek comfort and advice on the subject.
Here are some helpful tips for moving forward from a sad, lonely mindset of singleness into a joy-filled, vibrant mindset of singleness.
First, let’s acknowledge it- you’re single. That’s not weird or wrong. Although, in many ways we can be made to feel, externally and internally, that somehow it is wrong. You may have family asking lots of questions. Maybe your friends or followers seem to be happy in serious relationships. This can cause us to feel (very unnecessarily) pressured. In some cases, dating and marriage begin to be a topic people think about daily. An attractive stranger passes and you think, “They’re cute. I wonder if they love the Lord.” You might wonder, “Why doesn’t _______ like me? Why doesn’t…anybody like me?”
Get over that.
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?
Jeremiah 17:9 (ESV)
Comments from family stick in our minds and plague our pre-bedtime thoughts. The amount of social media engagement announcements make you put down your phone in the name of self care. You begin to feel crazed and desperate by the sheer number of times you wonder if someone you barely know could be “the one.” But in Jeremiah, we see our heart sounds like it doesn’t know up form down. In the text, “heart” means a ruling center for a person. The spring of all our desires. We cannot begin to understand where our desires come from or what they mean or what we should do with them. This can get very overwhelming. The rest of that verse says, “I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.” He knows and understands. You can take this singleness and every wild thought that comes with it and begin to trust that He understands what you do not understand. Begin to trust that He will, in time, give you exactly what you need.
If you’re under 25, doubly I say to you:
Get over it.
You have a big beautiful life to live for Jesus, not for yourself. When you crave and actively seek a partner to step into your life and make you happy and “complete,” you are telling Jesus, “I want MY version of my life, not Your version.” You are rejecting what He’s planned for you.
You don’t need a husband or wife. You need Jesus. You also need community, a hobby, and some goals.
Ask Him for help
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”
Matthew 7:7-12
Prayer works. Your prayers, if you ask, can help move you forward to see things much more clearly. Pray (seek) to truly want what God wants for your love life. Trust, like I do, that the desire for a life partner is a desire He will fulfill. (The door will be opened.)
A perk to this process is you no longer worry about the when-will-it-happen or the who-will-it-be.
Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4 (ESV)
That’s my only other advice. Delight yourself in the Lord. It is the best way to live life. It’s the most fun way to live life. My skin is clear, my hair is healthy, and I sleep so well. Overthinking and worrying about a future spouse is bondage. It’s bad for the body and the soul.
Additionally, remember: a relationship won’t start or fix your relationship with the Lord. So, crack that Bible open and get to know your Savior. It’s the most important thing you’ll do all day.
Rx: Quiet time (Bible Study)
Sig: 1 Q6-12H PRN QD (1 every 6-12 hours as needed daily)
Prescribed by Law 